A Teacher Sees Potential in Her Students

A few Wednesdays ago (4/15/15), I was almost in tears, and I bet that you will never guess why. Teaching has been a whirlwind experience that I have never expected. To really understand the magnitude of what happened on Wednesday, there is some backstory that I need to fill some of you in on. When I started student teaching, I couldn’t have been surer of my life path. I have always wanted to be a teacher, and I claim that this has been true since second grade. Going into ninth grade, I told people that I was going to Calvin College to become a math teacher. Without a doubt in my mind, I pursued this path, specifically expecting that I would only ever teach at a private Christian high school. I had one plan and one plan only. However, God had something else in mind. Doesn’t He always? In a blink of an eye, I began to doubt it all.  During my student teaching, I wrote journals entitled "Do I Really Want to Teach?" In one of them, I wrote, "I'm not really sure what I think about student teaching. It saddens me that I do not love it; I'm almost closer to despising it than loving it. I'm only five weeks in [to a thirteen week internship], yet I am counting down until the day I am done." My only plan was to teach at a Christian school, and when I could not see anything anymore, I did not know what was going to happen.

Through crying many tears, conversing about a variety of options, and pleading in prayer, I came a long way but still did not know what my future career was going to look like. In my last journal, I reflected on a bible story that I have heard many times, but was able to see it in a new light. Many of us can summarize the story of Peter denying Christ three times, but my devotional had the exact words I needed to hear at that time, and I cannot state it any better:

“Peter’s character would be transformed in the next few hours. Not long after promising to suffer and die with Jesus, he rejected any ties with him. Bitter tears of anguish soon followed and he escaped into the darkest night he’d ever known, ashamed of who he was. Through all of this, Peter was becoming the kind of person Christ could use to build his Church.

Why did Peter have to face such agony and remorse? Perhaps he needed to see his own resolve and ambition disintegrate. Perhaps he had committed himself to his idea of Jesus the Messiah, and needed to know Jesus’ real identity as a suffering servant. Whatever the case, this would not remain unchanged.
            Sometimes we too must face deep nights and dark heartaches to become people whom God can shape and use for his work. Perhaps our pride and our ideas are preventing us from being useful to God.
            But like Peter, if we fail Christ, we must remember that God can use those who recognize their failure. Out of his experience grew character and wisdom that would help Peter later when Christ entrusted him with stewardship of the Church.”

I can’t summarize what I reflected on any better than I said it before, so in my journal, I wrote, “I don’t know if I am reading too much into this, but I think my situation is a little bit like Peter’s. I had such a set idea for my future: I would graduate and find a job at a small Christian school. I thought for sure God would use me here. But I think my own ideas and ambitions were getting in the way of God really using me. Student teaching has, at times, made me feel lost. I did not know what I was doing. I was not in my comfort zone. I thought about quitting all together. Tears came out; many, many tears came out. But I think I needed to see my own resolve and ambition disintegrate. Now I am more open to options: I’m thinking about working at a home school company, a tutoring company, a public school, or a private school. What use to be the only thing on my list is now towards the bottom of my list. God has a plan. I cannot see it, but he is taking care of me. It may not be what I want or expected, but I am going through these trials so that I become the person who he wants me to be, someone he can use."

And boy, has he used me! Or, really, he has used my students for me. Just wait. It really gets better. There is just a little more back story to mention.

When student teaching came to a close, I decided, through advice from others, I would teach in a classroom for at least two years so that I could get a feel for classroom teaching. When I was job searching, I decided to look at all type of schools: public, private, charter.  Some humor I find in all of this is that my two job offers could not have been anymore different. One school was at a school that nine months prior I would not have passed up. The other school was one that I would have never considered in a million years. Before student teaching, I would have chosen the private Christian school without considering it twice, but something was making me unsure. The week of my job offers, I made a three page pro/con list. Yes, three pages! But it gets better. The list was organized in a table, grouped into topics, and color coated by day. Can you tell I have a systematic math brain? I did not know what to think, but everything was pointing towards the unknown. I didn’t know what it would be like to teach in a public, low income, middle school, but I felt an unknowing ease and comfort about teaching at Mound Fort. Ten minutes before I accepted my job, I came across a verse that reassured me: Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Whatever decision I was going to make, God would be with me.

Now, the back story is done. I know, there was a lot of information, but it was needed. At this point, I did not know if Mound Fort would be for me, let alone if teaching was for me. But through the unknown, I trusted that God has placed me where he wanted me to be.

I said earlier that on Wednesday I was almost in tears, and I bet that you will never guess why. Well, make your guesses now, because you will find out soon! No, I wasn’t in tears because of students. These were happy tears! Wednesday night is the night I go to bible study at my church, The Genesis Project. The question for discussion was ‘Have you ever thought about your breath from a spiritual perspective?’ Pastor Matt began talking about Genesis 2:7 and how we were created not only through the dust of the earth, but God spoke us into being. Discussions began with what it means to breath in God’s breath into our lives. Matt profoundly stated that one breath is not enough. We don’t take a deep breath on Monday morning and think to ourselves, “That was a good breath! That will last me until Wednesday!” We don’t treat our lives like this, so why do we often treat our relationship with God like this? God’s breath is the source of life and with every breath of something there needs to be an exhale.

Conversations continued; I’ll save you the reading. You’re probably scrolling down to see how much you have left to read. But we talked about what it looks like to inhale God’s breath and asked, “How do we live out the divine breath of God in our lives?” Another person at the table had answered the question and had said a statement that made me think. She said, “God sees potential in us.” Immediately, I thought about how a teacher sees potential in her students. The students may not see the potential in themselves and doubt themselves, but the teacher still sees potential. Just as we doubt ourselves, but God had great plans for us that He knows we are capable of. Without a millisecond of hesitation, I knew that I am exactly where I need to be. However, I had not, at this time, connected the pieces and considered my past struggles. I was only thinking about the small time frame of wanting to teach at Mound Fort in the future. It wasn’t until afterwards when I was explaining to a group member all my struggles that I realized the connection and began tearing up. Finally! That is why I was almost in tears. That was a difficult secret to keep!

The magnitude of God slowly working in my life overwhelmed me. Without going through the struggles I faced in student teaching, I would have never considered teaching at a public school, let alone at a school like Mound Fort. Without having considered two opposing job offers, I would not have turned away the job of my dreams to take a job in the unknown. Man, does God work in mysteries ways or not? As God continually sees potential in me, I need to continue believing that my students have potential.

While teaching I have had horrible days, yet I still need to believe in my students. I've been called names that I never would consider calling others, yet I need to stand up for my students. The respect I get from many students is smaller than a grain of sand (or at least it seems that way), but I need to expect great things from my students. Many of my students do not see the potential in themselves; I need to tell them that I believe in their potential. They feel like they amount to nothing; some have told teachers that they want to grow up to be a bum on the street or grow up and follow in the footsteps of a drug cartel leader. Despite all this, I am where I am at for a reason. Without a single doubt, I know that God has placed me here at this school because I believe that these students have potential. I was almost in tears when I realized all of this. A typical Wednesday night and I had the biggest God moment (maybe in all of my life). God reassured me that I am supposed to be at Mound Fort, that I am supposed to be a teacher. I know that I can still make a difference in their lives, even if they learn no math at all. What would life be if you saw no potential, no goals were set, and no one told you that they believe in you? Some don't believe they have a future; I am here to encourage them otherwise, to support them through the tough times.

Never believe that you amount to nothing. See potential in yourself because God sees potential in you.